How many?

There’s always an interesting dynamic when we announce a pregnancy.  My husband, Andy, is practically bursting to share the news immediately, while I’d probably keep it under wraps until the baby arrived if I could get away with it, haha.

Beyond the announcement itself, the question that consistently follows is, ‘How many do you plan on having?’ or ‘Are you planning on having more?’  It’s a surprisingly complex question to answer, and probably why I shy away from it.

Do I plan on having more? For us, that’s truly a question for God. We recognize how incredibly blessed we’ve been, never having struggled with fertility. Yet, we also understand that fertility could be taken away in an instant– though at 42 I often joke I’d be just fine with that! Ultimately, God has the final say. 

Perhaps a more accurate question is, ‘Do I want more?’ And honestly, that can depend entirely on the day or even just a moment in a day. I love my children so much, and no matter how often I feel I couldn’t possibly handle another physically or mentally, I always seem to navigate through those difficult times.

This morning alone I watched two of my younger boys fighting and wrestling while another decided to cut his own hair and spray my entire kitchen with water. Yet, in another moment I witnessed an older sibling helping another with school with more patience and kindness than I typically exhibit. Then I watched my toddler completely infatuated with the baby, shower her with tons of kisses. And so many times I’ve watched the teenagers beg to hold the baby. 

I know that even when I had just one, two and especially three kids, life was HARD. Parenting is inherently challenging, no matter the number. We constantly hear ‘choose the hard’ and I can honestly say we’ve done that, and it is profoundly worth it.  Anytime I express to Andy that I just can’t go on this way, he simply asks if I can imagine life without one of our children. And honestly, I can’t. God has entrusted me with 13 beautiful souls and He knows me so well and that we could handle it. Through the years I’ve learned to laugh at so much more than I used to. Standards have been lowered, the house is always a disaster and there is at least one argument an hour. We live in chaos and have learned to thrive through it. 

So, no I don’t know how many I want, if I even want more or if I will have more. We aim to leave that entirely up to God. And so far I am so glad we have. 

I encourage all families to be open to new life. In all of my years of talking to parents I have never met anyone that said they regretted having children. I have, however, met so many parents that wish they had tried for more and had the faith to try.